Letters
by Bitchii-Usa
Summary: Bulma misses Vegeta. Letters ensue. For TPTH Plot Bunny Challenge #1. Not to be taken seriously! One shot


_A/N: This one shot is for TPTH Plot Bunny Challenge #1, "Write a story based off the title of your favorite song." I chose Niki and The Dove's "So Much it Hurts." Despite the title, it's a really funky song and this Drabble was just a product of that. This is not supposed to be taken seriously, just my own_ _take on Bulma not handling Vegeta's departure well. Enjoy I hope hahaha._

 _February 4th_

 _Vegeta,_

 _Okay, so I'm not sure how to start this. But to put it simply: you're a jerk._

 _And I don't mean in the typical, you're-mean-tough-guy way._

 _Nope. You're worse than that._

 _How dare you make me love you, if you weren't planning on staying?_

 _Why did you touch me, set my skin on fire and send me down a spiral of pure bliss?_

 _All I can think of is the way you felt that night. Do you remember what you said? When I looked into those dark pits of yours (GOD I still don't know how to read them!) you told me that you felt alive for the first time in your life. That I gave you the air to breathe. And I let myself suffocate inside of you so that I could watch your chest rise. And when you said my name in that ridiculous manner (I won't compliment you._ _I won't say that it was sexy)_ _I thought to myself that I finally had you. Not the you that chased Goku all around the universe. Not the you that wore his pride like some atrocious second skin. I didn't have Vegeta, the prince of all Saiyans. Nope, I just had plain old stupid Vegeta, the one who farts in his sleep (you can try to deny it but I heard you!) and eats everything my Mother cooks. She says hi, by the way. I didn't want to tell you that but whatever, there it goes._

 _I'm sleepy, so I'll end it here._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Bulma._

 _PS. I'm pregnant and I hate you._

 _oooOOOooo_

 _March 16_ _th_

 _Vegeta,_

 _It's been a month and some change and I still haven't heard from you. You're pathetic._

 _Or maybe I am._

 _I dreamed about you last night. I dreamt about the time when I took you to the beach and that crab pinched you on the ass. It's amazing how someone who threatened to blow up THE ENTIRE PLANET could become so undone by a simple crab pinch. I'm sure you're cursing my name right now for making fun of you but I can't help it. I think you should know I just fell out of my chair from laughing._

 _Anyways, in the dream I was_ _ **really**_ _pregnant. Like HUGE. And you rubbed my belly when the baby kicked too hard and told me that I had to be strong because the baby was a warrior. I ran my fingers through your hair and you kissed me. I miss the way you kiss me._

 _Are you even thinking about me, Vegeta!? Because if not you're a piss poor excuse of a man to do something so cruel to a woman!_

 _I'm enclosing a picture of my face so you can use it for…extra curricular activities… when you get bored. All of that training has to make you pretty lonely, huh?_

 _I find out the sex of the baby next month. I hope you'll stop in for a bit so I can see you. I hate to say it, but I really miss you._

 _My dad says he hopes you're taking care of the space ship. You should call him and thank him…you know…since you stole it._

 _Well, I've got to go. The baby's hungry and demands pancakes and ramen. Yeah…I know._

 _Lov….talk to you later,_

 _Bulma._

 _Ps: I changed my mind, I don't hate you._

 _Pps: if you don't come home though, I can change it again._

 _oooOOOooo_

 _April 22_ _nd_

… _.Vegeta!_

 _UMM HELLO DO YOU REMEMBER ME!? ITS BULMA THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD!?_

 _Lol just kidding, there's no way you could ever forget someone like me ;)_

 _So WE'RE HAVING A BOY! I know that you're really excited (at least I hope you are) but I want your help in naming the baby. I've thought of a few names: Trousers, Stockin, Spanx, Trunks or Vegeta jr. I really hope you don't want to name our child Vegeta jr. Not that there's anything wrong with your name, but one Vegeta is enough._

 _Vegeta, I'm starting to get sad without you._

 _I know I promised you a long time ago that I wouldn't be that clingy type of girlfriend (I_ _ **am**_ _your girlfriend, right!?) but that was before you set my soul on fire. I get so excited to know that only I get to see you like that, the quiet in his thoughts Vegeta who can't keep his hands off of me (God I miss your hands)_

 _The baby misses you too. Whenever I think about you, he kicks my stomach. And geeze, he can kick. Strong just like his daddy I see! He likes when mommy is working in the lab too. It's the only time I don't feel nauseous and he lets me work in peace. He has a strong appetite like you too. Gotta love those Saiyans!_

 _Goku came by today. I don't recall announcing my pregnancy to him, but he came with a gift basket from Chi Chi. Whatever, I have pregnancy brain so it's possible that I just forgot. He is my best friend after all, so it wouldn't be strange if I told him. He asked about you by the way, said he hopes you're getting nice and strong for the Androids. I told him I hope you're getting nice and strong for me, you catch my drift!?_

 _That was a joke and you can stop scowling now._

 _Well, I don't really have anything else to say except I can't wait to see you again. My body got adapted to your heat and I've been cold since you're not around. I won't write you for a bit after this. I, too, have to prepare for the Androids (I'm sure they will be really fascinating at the least!) and frankly, I'm tired of not hearing from you. I do hope you'll change my mind, though._

 _I'm just going to say this (blame the pregnancy for my hormones)_

 _I love you, Vegeta._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Bulma_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _ **July 17th**_

 _ **BULMA:**_

 _ **Under no circumstances will you name any offspring of mine those ridiculous names. If he is my son he will have a name with honor.**_

 _ **While on the subject, I do not appreciate your mockery of my name. It is a good name. My father gave me this name and I will not allow you to shit all over it, as you love to say, vulgar woman.**_

 _ **I don't understand why you thought that I could respond to your letters so fast. DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT THE WORLD POSSIBLY COMING TO AN END!? If you thought that Nappa and I were a threat then you've got another thing coming. I am training so that I can be stronger than that fool Kakarot and take down any enemy that comes my way.**_

 _ **I do not know how to be open through a letter. I'm not sure what you want from me. I will say that your picture was nice. I see you've cut your hair. It fits you. That other jungle that adorned your head made it impossible to mate with you properly. Although it appears that I was still able to perform correctly. You are welcome for that.**_

 _ **Vegeta.**_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _August 12th_

 _Veggie (deal with it)_

 _HA! You took too long, now your choice is gone!_

 _I've decided on Trunks. He likes it. He hasn't stopped moving since I've named him._

 _Also what kind of letter was that!? I know you can do better. Although I'm glad that you at least responded, I still think that you can try harder._

 _That's all I'm writing until you give me something else._

 _Now let me show you how to end a letter,_

 _I LOVE YOU VEGGIE! (No hormones this time)_

 _Bulma_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _ **November 15th**_

 _ **WOMAN (now YOU deal with it)**_

 _ **The first thing I am doing when I get back is blowing your entire planet to dust.**_

 _ **Doesn't sound so fun, does it?**_

 _ **That's how I feel when you disrespect my name. Stop doing it or else.**_

 _ **And fine. You want me to try harder? I miss your breasts. They're very soft. They're like two sundaes that I want to lick forever, and they never melt. And best part is they don't talk and upset me.**_

 _ **I guess Trunks will do. It's better than the other suggestions outside of my name, but if the boy is a weakling I will blame you for doing it to him.**_

 _ **Is he born? I'm just curious.**_

 _ **I think that you're the least annoying person on the planet, and I don't mind your company. That's the best I can do.**_

 _ **I am not your property but I will be loyal to you,**_

 _ **Vegeta**_

 _ **One more thing, if the brat is born when I get back, I hope you're prepared to partake in nightly activities.**_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _December 26_ _th_

 _Vegeta,_

 _Trunks is here! He has purple hair like his mama, but damn it all if he isn't your spitting image._

 _And umm as far as your last letter, I'll take it. I suppose that's the closest I'll get from you. (Sundaes though? Is that…do you want to_ _ **try**_ _that or something? Not that I'm oppopsed, just…surprised.)_

 _Anyways, Dad says that you're running low in fuel. He says you should be coming back in the next few weeks or so. This makes me happy! Now you can meet your son! I think you'll adore him like I do!_

 _I can't wait to see the results of your training. I'm sure I'll get to benefit from them too ;). And yes I'll be ready. I mean I've only been waiting for ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR AND HAVE ONLY HEARD FROM YOU TWICE! But I digress._

 _Well, Trunks is crying so I'll check on him. He's the best thing I've created (and I'll go on a limb here and say you too. I don't think you've done much else from what you've told me. Another joke so stop with the profanity)_

 _See you soon hubby!_

 _Way better ending. The whole loyal-to-me bit earned you some "special" privileges ;)_

 _Love you,_

 _Bulma._

 _oooOOOooo_

 _A/N: aaaand that's it lol_

 _This of course is not meant to be taken seriously. I just wanted to do something fun that didn't require much thought._

 _Read and review if you dare!_


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